Are you thinking about expanding your family? Unsure if it’s the right decision right now or even at all? After much debate, Jase and I have finally taken the plunge and decided to expand our family from two kids to three kids. I am pregnant now with baby #3 and I’ll tell you, for Jase, this wasn’t an easy decision. Jase is one of two and I am one of three, so he grew up always wanting two kids and I always wanted three. I couldn’t imagine not giving my kids that extra sibling, I just loved the dynamic I had growing up. I love that I have two brothers and am still very close with them, and I always wanted the same for my family. Jase was the more practical one, thinking about our finances, the madness we already have in our house, being outnumbered, etc.
For some people, like me, they just know how many children they want and what will make their family feel complete. However, for some, once they have had one child, this idea of perfection can change very quickly. Maybe you thought you always wanted three but you didn’t fully realize how hard raising a family would be and don’t think you could survive another baby running around. Maybe your partner refuses to have another child, maybe you had traumatizing labour and are unsure if you can go through that again, maybe you can’t afford another child, the list goes on. So today, I want to help you with some important factors to think about when making this choice…
15 Important Questions for you and your partner to talk through before making this big decision.
- What do you want your future to look like?
- Are you prepared for all the hard work again?
- Can you financially support another child?
- Will you have the time for another child?
- Are you and your partner on the same page?
- Will your marriage/relationship with your partner survive another child?
- Can your lifestyle accommodate another child?
- Is your house and car big enough?
- Is your body able to go through another pregnancy and labour?
- How will your other children respond to another siblings?
- What age gap do you want between siblings?
- Are you and your partner too old for another child?
- Have you considered the extra cost when going on holidays?
- Will you regret not having another baby?
- Do you really want to have another baby?
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that another baby doesn’t scare me, because it does. Harper and Paxton are incredibly energetic kids. Plus we have the dog. We absolutely have our hands full already. Financially, I’m sure we will be stretched too. Jase and I made this decision together, as we knew we would not feel complete without adding this extra addition to our family. We know it will be hard but we also know that it will be totally worth it and we are up for the challenge!
Once we made the decision that we were going to have another baby, we then needed to decide when. For me, it was all about the pregnancy and building up the courage to go through that incredibly terrible morning sickness again. It was also the unknown of how long will it take for us to fall pregnant as we had such different experiences between Harper and Pax. But to us, after surviving an 18-month gap with the first two, we felt like we could do anything. The age gap will be 4.5 years between Harper and the new baby and just under 3 years between Paxton and the new baby. Personally I think there are pros and cons for every age gap. There is no right and wrong. So do what is right for your family and I am sure you will make it work.
Whatever your individual situation may be, it’s clear that bringing another child into this world is one of the biggest decisions you will make. It may feel like another child changes everything, or it might seem like another baby fits perfectly into your family, and fills in the little pieces that were missing. Just make sure not to get wrapped up in the excitement of the cute things a new baby will bring, but truly think about the longevity of this decision. This decision will change your life forever.
Good luck! I’m always here if you want to talk it through.
PS. This article was also featured on Mamamia and Kidspot!
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Michelle July 20, 2020 at 10:33 pm
I had twins in January this year. My son, Cooper (perhaps why this site made me have a read!!) was born 1 minute earlier than my daughter Davina. It was traumatic to say the least. I am one of 2 girls and my husband, one of 3 boys. I feel like my age is preventing me from having more babies. I’m 36 and carrying twins took its toll on my knees! I’ve never wanted an uneven number of kids, however there is just something driving me to want more. My husband is 23 and he would have plenty more. My issue is that I’m the main bread winner and without my income for another 12 months I just don’t see us being able to provide the way I would like to. What should I do?!!!
Cooper and Kids July 21, 2020 at 1:26 pm
Hi Michelle, thanks so much for getting in touch. Congrats on your twins!! Unfortunately this is not my decision to make… Maybe it’s worth speaking to your doctor as well as your partner and seeing what they chances are of twins again – there are ways to have scans before you try to make sure there is only one egg. Good luck with your decision!